Hello World. I have been a snot laden struggling mess lately. What? Don’t look so surprised. I have openly admitted that I am human….a couple of times at least.
Seriously though, these past few months – GAH, I keep hunting for that Staples Easy button to no avail.
2 eye surgeries. Those moments were kind of the biggies I suppose. Recovery sucks a bit but am so thankful to be able to see my world again. (Even if I am stuck to an eye drop regime that is almost more taxing than raising a child.) We have had some pup challenges requiring emergency surgeries…and now a pretty extensive rehab schedule. And just yesterday, I realized that I suck at this whole empty nest idea…as my baby moved on to her own place. (my other 2 are still home until June)
What is it with the duties of parenthood and then the transition for them to go off and do what you raised them to do? Why is it so hard? This post isn’t about THAT though. It’s about the fact that I also realized that our world seems to be in a rut of competing for misery/sadness/traumas.
Yesterday, I spoke to a few in my circles about how I was feeling. I even threw a post up on social media about the struggle I was having. I received lots of love from the ones around me…but also noticed something that struck me as interesting: I had several (including the cashier at the supermarket) share why their sadness was so much bigger than mine. I also experienced this when my Momma died and I was working my way through that grief.
Why do we do this to others? Why are we so uncomfortable with someones emotions that we can’t just allow them to sit with theirs for a moment or two?
It IS ok for someone to feel sad. It is ok for someone to even feel angry. Those are emotions. Not mental states. Part of life, if you will. Yet these two feelings seem to elicit such a state of unease in others who are simply witness to them.
Yesterday, what I needed was hugs. Love. People to just nod and let me have a few moments of sadness as part of my journey. MY journey. MY kid was moving out. Not anyone elses. She is MY daughter and I needed some understanding that what I was feeling was normal…and that I was justified to feel the need to shed tears. Not a pitty party of how I shouldn’t feel what I was feeling because others had it worse than me somehow.
I learned, when my Mom died, that people are awkward as hell when it comes to dealing with emotions of others. Since that experience, I have tried (although sometimes, imperfectly, I am certain.) to allow others to feel what they feel and support them in knowing that it was normal…and hopefully temporary. I have tried not to dismiss their feelings. I have tried to give space for whatever they need…and that includes sometimes, just passing out a hug and kleenex.
We don’t need to ALWAYS connect by sharing an experience…and especially one upping each other. Sometimes, it is ok to just be present for someone who needs it. It’s even better when you can understand that sometimes, the super heroes just need to speak their feelings, be heard and even cry.